The Struggle is Real. It's Supposed to Be.
I'm working towards directing my debut feature film and I'm struggling. What do I do about that?
I was at an community screening last week called the Alberta Indie Film Throwdown. I got to see one of my short films screened. I got to see a bunch of other great films by local filmmakers. It was excellent.
It really drove home the power of community in cinema. This is exactly what I’ve been talking about! Plus, the event was so fun. Catching up with people I haven’t seen in a while. Laughing at the silliness on the big screen. It was a hoot.
A couple people even talked to me about my newsletter. I was like, “Oh, people in the real world actually read this.” That’s fun. And someone reminded me why I started writing all this in the first place.
Exploring Filmmaking (this newsletter, blog posts, whatever you want to call them) was originally meant to track my journey towards making my first feature film.
Right. So…
Where am I on my journey to make a feature film?
Things are moving forward. There’s been some great developments.
I won’t get into specifics because everything is still evolving, but I have some financing secured. I have a producer attached (besides me). Things are happening.
Right now, it seems like so much of making this project really happen, and making art in general, is…waiting.
It’s all a waiting game.
And I am impatient.
Right now I’m waiting to hear back from film festivals about the Strangers short. I’m waiting for grant funding notifications for the feature. Waiting for producers and production companies review my film package. Waiting for notes on my script. I feel like I’m constantly waiting because…well, because things take time.
So what do I do about all this waiting?
I don’t know!
Ah, were you expecting a well-articulated answers? Not this week.
Remember what I said in my first post. This whole journey is about exploring process. And at this point in the process, I’m really just trying to figure things out.
Here’s what I’m trying right now.
I’m trying to keep busy. I’m trying to focus on things that are in my control (as I wrote about here). Do the work. Keep pushing the boulder up the mountain. I mean, at the end of the day, that’s all there is to it right?
Right now, I’m still very much focusing on the screenplay. I’m plowing through a fifth draft, but it’s taking a while because I basically started over after a lot of issues arose in the fourth draft.
And at the same time, there are always more grants to write. Spring and fall are when most grant deadlines land, so I’m working towards submitting four applications (for different projects) this month and next month.
Which means juggling writing the script and writing grants.
It’s a constant dance between creative and administrative work.
One day, I dream of spending all my time working solely on the creative aspects of making art. Unfortunately, I don’t think that’s going to happen anytime soon. It probably won’t ever happen. But I’ll keep dreaming.
This is the constant struggle of being a creative producer. (Or an artistic producer, as is my title at Jupiter Theatre.) How do I balance my time?
Still figuring that out too.
Recently, I’ve been trying to segment my work days. Exercise in the morning. Then screenwriting until lunch. Then admin and producer work until the end of the day.
But lately I’ve been falling behind on the not-so-creative work, so I’m trying to adjust that. I’m trying to stay flexible.
Honestly. I’m a short on time this week. This whole month. “So why are you writing this post” you ask?
Because so many people (and by so many, I mean like…five. But STILL.) have reached out to me and talked to me about my newsletter. It’s about community. And process. So I am committed to continuing it!
So what is all this about?
This newsletter may seem a bit more…rambling then usual. It is what it is.
When I was thinking this morning about what to write (okay, okay, procrastinating, you got me), I decided to just share where I’m at. Because this IS an important part of the process.
The writing (even the creative writing) feels like a slog right now for me. And that’s part of it.
Making a movie isn’t all fun and games. Attending the community screenings was really fun and made all the work I put into that short film worthwhile. But making a movie is like…90% hard work. And 10% fun and games.
Or, at least, that’s what it feels like right now. Ask me again in a few months. Or next year when I’m in production.
(I mean, check out this video from ACTRA Alberta, one of the sponsors of the Indie Film Throwdown. It was fun.)
But, importantly, I know that hard work is part of the process.
I’m struggling with writing. I’m struggling with cracking some of these scenes. And juggling the characters’ internal journeys with the external plot. And I’m struggling to meet the deadlines I’ve set to have this draft of the script done.
But you know what?
Writing is hard. It’s supposed to be.
This is something I’ve been thinking about a lot now that our world in inundated with generative AI.
I started writing fiction when I was like nine years old. I finished my first novel as a teenager. I’ve written over twenty plays that have been produced. I’ve been writing for a long time, so I know how it’s hard. But that’s one of the reasons I love it.
I’m worried that as generative AI becomes normalized, people are going to stop expecting writing to be hard. And I mean both executives and artists.
I’m worried people are going to get too used to being able to write an email with the press of a button. Or write an essay. Or a screenplay. Or hell, write a piece of music.
I’m worried because part of creative writing is being in the trenches and sticking it out. Part of it is experimenting. Playing. Throwing away weeks worth of work. Because all of that gets you closer to what really matters. Closer to what’s true.
All the struggle and experimenting and “Aha!” moments add up to something. It’s something that’s unique to each writer. That’s why each writer is unique.
So I’m trying to embrace the struggle. Whether it’s struggling in Final Draft or cranking out another grant application.
If you’re struggling right now too, it’s okay.
This is part of the process. More than that, it’s an important part. It always has been and I think it always should be.